Your first message has one job — earn a reply. Here's the formula, the mistakes to skip, and openers you can adapt for Hinge, Tinder and Bumble.
The match already liked your profile. Your opener just has to prove there's a real person behind yours. Most people blow it with "hey" — which hands the other person nothing to answer and lands in a pile of identical messages.
The fix is simple: one specific detail from their profile + one easy question. Specific beats clever, and short beats long.
Most-asked: "What should my first message say?" → One specific detail + one open question, under ~70 characters.
Characters is the sweet spot. Anything over ~17 beats a one-word "hi"; long paragraphs rarely help.
Men receive far fewer replies (often ~1 in 6), so a specific opener does real work. Women face inbox overload — sincerity stands out, not volume.
Under 30: playful, fast, emoji-friendly. 35+: lead with warmth and clear intent — banter alone reads as noise.
What to send first — without overthinking it.
Tell Coach a little about the match and get two Advanced Spark Openers tuned to their profile — each with the reason it works.
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